Relating better with People

Many a times, when  people behave in certain ways, we immediately  link it to a perception of who we have always thought they were. That is why it is very easy to judementally place another in a certain category just by having a first contact with them.

Do you know why this is so easy to do?

We all have a mental picture of how we think life should be lived. And so if another doesnt match up to that standard, we are quick to mentally putting them in a position we deem fit.

A lot of times,  we don’t want to appear judgemental, but then we find ourselves complaining about  how the other looks, talks, eats, or even communicates on social media. Well, let us say, we believe life should be lived from our own perceptive alone.

But the interesting thing is that, we all are uniquely created and have different personality type.

Learning from the book- People Style at work by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton, there are 4 distinct People ‘s Style:

The Drivers

Those who tend to be very controlling and possibly demanding. They know what they want and they aren’t afraid to let you know.

The Analytics

They appear to be very intelligent, nerdy, or systematical and often pay close attention to the smallest details.

The Amiables

They are always supportive and tend more to be very emotional. You can count on them and their words, as they are very reliable and trustworthy

The Expressive

They generally have very high emotion and make decisions rather quickly. There are always excited and on the look out to see what happens next

Of all these styles, the book emphasises that  no People’s style is bad in itself but of course there can always be room to accommodate the excesses of any personality type.

Accommodating individual personality type, does not mean that we tolerate bad behaviour when we see it displayed.

There sure should be an approach to how we engage in human relationship, and this is by making allowances for others knowing that no two individuals are the same. The way we all approcah life  is dependent on our our intrinsic chatacteristcs which is often influenced over time by cultural and environmental factors.

Having known this, it gives a better understanding of how essential our  accommodation of individual differences is essential  for survival.

The better approach to living with people amicably will  then be to appreciate each person’s uniqueness, seek for a common ground to relate so as to live peaceably with them.

When people isolate themselves from freely relating with other personality type, because they dont want to get into quarrel or be misunderstood, they miss a lot but they dont know this.  The funny thing is that, there is always something to learn from every misunderstanding but this will only happen if we are open to getting the best of our relationships.

In Conclusion

No one is a monopoly of knowledge and no one has the all time best behaviour. But we can learn from each other by relating freely without having a judgemental pre conditioned mindset of others.


About the author

Joyce Olawunmi


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  • That’s it Miss Adegoke. Trying to be on a mutual ground with people due to their different personalities is the real deal. If we can do that, we would avoid any bit of quarrel or harsh response.

    • Yes this is very true.

      We should be willing and able to relate with people and appreciate our differences.

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